Recently an influencer and a mom of three took to her TikTok and called out all the meddling parents and grandparents who don’t respect ‘boundaries.’
Lisa Pontius posted a couple of videos and stories on her TikTok account and addressed an important issue. She said that nowadays, young people are usually aware of personal space and limits, but most boomers either don’t understand this notion or just don’t want to.
“In case no one told you, having boundaries is not the same as keeping your kids away from your parents. That’s a whole different relationship dynamic – one that I don’t have. My parents see my kids. My parents see my kids actually kind of a lot; they live pretty close to us.”
“I still have boundaries with my parents in regard to my children. They still have boundaries with me over when and how often and how much they’re going to watch their grandchildren. We each acknowledge and respect each other’s boundaries. That’s how you have a mutually respectful, adult relationship.”
She further added,
“Boundaries isn’t a threat. Boundaries isn’t a dirty word. Every adult relationship has boundaries – scratch that – every relationship deserves boundaries, even ones between adults and children. My parents get to see my kids because they respect my boundaries. But if someone does get cut off from their grandchildren, it’s a pretty good indicator that they didn’t respect the parent’s boundaries to begin with!”
Her video clips went viral on the platform, one of the clips received more than one million reviews and was applauded by hundreds of people on the app.
“Boomers raising us with ‘my house my rules’ boomers being mad when we set boundaries as adults.” She captioned her video.
“My parents can see my kids. My mother-in-law cannot because she cannot follow Simple boundaries and is therefore unsafe.” One user commented.
I tried to set some boundaries with my mom & it’s been 2mths of not speaking with me. I had my son call her, but no effort from her. Said another.
While speaking to BuzzFeed, Lisa said that if grandparents act like a kid’s parents, things become difficult to deal with, and it gets frustrating for the parent who’s trying to develop a healthy bond with their child.
“I have always been interested in interpersonal relationships and family structures. I was an anthropology major in college and just always found observing these things fascinating. When I started sharing my life on social media, I included a lot of commentary on motherhood – including the very common struggle with navigating in-law relationships as a new mom.”
“Being undermined by a third party (even if it’s a seemingly well-intentioned grandparent) can cause a lot of strife.” She continued.
“The parent ends up feeling completely disrespected. The parent needs to let it be known in a direct way that their parenting decisions are to be respected and honored if the grandparents want to participate.”
The young mother said that she created healthy boundaries in her relationships, which has worked quite well for her.
“At the end of the day, I want to feel comfortable with the people in my children’s lives because they are going to help mold who these young people grow into. There are so many benefits to wider family involvement, but as the parents, we have to feel like we can trust those people and that our wishes for our children are respected.”
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Images & Featured Images via Lisa Pontius on TikTok